Still Becoming?

This Spring’s Spiral Archive has been circling around one question for me: am I still becoming? It’s a quiet, honest reflection from where I stand now — in the lull period, the sorting period, the “who am I underneath everything I’ve been for others” period. I’m sharing it because I think many of us move through this same space, even if we don’t always talk about it.

When I look back over the year, I find myself wondering: at 58, am I still becoming? Or have I arrived somewhere — not coasting, not drifting, but simply being in the place I’ve worked so hard to reach?

I can’t speak for my future self, but right now, I can honestly say: yes, I am still becoming.

I really do think life is about “still becoming,” because what that phrase is truly saying to me is “still growing.” And in that sense, I don’t believe we ever stop. The goals just change.

When we’re younger, we’re becoming who we are — building careers, raising children, coping with what needs coping with, addressing what needs addressing so we can be the wholest versions of ourselves possible.

Later, we’re becoming the most stable we can be, especially financially, and getting our young ones off to the best start we can give them. It’s still becoming, but it’s becoming for others.

Then comes what I call the lull period. Everyone is grown. The routines are set. The finances are what they are. And suddenly there’s this space — this quiet — where we’re not quite sure what to do next.

We coast a little. We sort things out. We try to figure out who we are underneath all the daily commotion of the younger years.

And in that sorting, we begin to “become” again — but this time, for the next stage of our own life.

This is where I am now. And as I’ve worked through it, I can see the depth I’ll continue to nurture moving forward. What used to terrify me — the idea of the future, the unknown, the quiet — now feels almost exciting. I’m beginning to enjoy the idea of simply being me.

Will I still be becoming? I think I will. I think I always will.

Because with all my heart, I believe our becoming doesn’t end when our physical bodies no longer contain us. I think it moves into something else and continues on. That thought has given me great solace and joy.

I wanted to share my Spiral Archive for this Spring because I think this is something many of us experience in one form or another, but rarely speak about. And maybe if we speak on it more, fewer people will feel stuck in the sorting stage — and more will feel free to embrace the becoming and continue on their wonderful journey called life.